


Deal with the Devil (Obey Me! x Reader; Mafia AU)

by sea_levi



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Mafia AU, Multi, gender neutral reader, it's a mafia story there's gonna be some violence, luci and reader hate each other at first, luci wears a bulletproof corset, might add Simeon Dia Barb and Solomon as options depending on my mood, ships may change as I write tbh, there might end up being some angst just a fair warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27519844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sea_levi/pseuds/sea_levi
Summary: The Celestial Realm and the Devildom are two well-known businesses in your college town. According to rumors, they serve as the fronts to warring gangs, headed by the mysterious ‘God’ and ‘Diavolo’, respectively. You don’t believe a word of it—the mere idea of such a thing sounds stupid to you. And yet, when you find yourself suddenly caught up in their mess, you’re given two choices: join the Devildom gang, or die.*shout-out to the people over at Discord who've been helping brainstorm ideas and beta read for this story! Thanks for all the help!
Relationships: Asmodeus (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader
Comments: 24
Kudos: 71





	1. 1: A City at War

**Author's Note:**

> And so my first long Obey Me! fanfic has begun! This is a mafia AU ft. some magical elements, so I hope you're ready for a wild ride. Ships for the story aren't settled yet, but that will sort itself out as we go. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the story!

Exhaustion clouded your mind as you stared blankly at your notebook; the words on the page had become blurry and incomprehensible as your study session dragged on. Solomon’s voice droned in one ear, while Simeon’s replied in the other. All the while, Luke had fallen asleep, his fluffy blonde hair splayed out across the pages of his own notes. His white hat had long since fallen limply from his head, pooling next to his notebook in a contorted blob.

“(Y/n),” Solomon’s voice pulled you from your thoughts and you gazed tiredly at him. “Hey, are you even listening anymore? I’ve been going over this problem for a while now and you haven’t said a word.”

With a sigh, you replied, “Look, Solomon… I’m tired. I want to go home and sleep, because I’ll definitely fail this exam if I’m sleep-deprived. At this point, there’s nothing else to be done except meet again tomorrow.”

“Hm… I’m going to be busy tomorrow,” Simeon replied, disappointed. “It’s a shame, but I’d never ask you to stay if you’re tired. Sleep well, (Y/n).”

A smile crossed your lips. “Thank you.”

Simeon woke Luke with a gentle shake of his shoulder. “Luke, it’s time to go,” he spoke softly. “Gather your things.”

“Mhmn… fine…” Luke groaned, tugging his hat back onto his head and groggily pushing his notebook and pencil into his bag.

It was a wonder that the boy was taking college classes. He scarcely looked older than ten, and yet he seemed to keep up perfectly well with the course material. Simeon always said he was a prodigy, pride alight in his sapphire eyes. “Sometimes I could mistake them for father and son,” you joked to Solomon as the pair walked away. “I mean, Simeon’s always looking after him.”

Solomon nodded as he swung his bag over his shoulder. “Well, that’s partially true,” he pointed out. “I believe Simeon’s more of a babysitter for Luke. I want to say his father is a guy named Michael… or, maybe that was his adoptive father? Hm—either way, they don’t talk much about his situation. Must be a Celestial Realm thing.”

“Eh? Celestial Realm?” You glanced at Solomon with a raised eyebrow. “What does that stuffy corporation have to do with this?”

Solomon blinked in disbelief. “You’re telling me you don’t know the rumors?”

“What rumors?” You were clueless; what in the world was Solomon talking about? What about Simeon’s part-time job could possibly have anything to do with your conversation?

A wistful grin crossed the white-haired man’s face. “Well, rumor has it that Celestial Realm and its rival corporation, Devildom, are the fronts to two warring gangs—that our little college town is home to a mafia turf war. Their leaders are called ‘God’ and ‘Diavolo’—the leaders of heaven and hell, fighting here on earth.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you rolled your eyes in disbelief. “A turf war? Rival gangs? All named after heaven and hell, at that? Do you really believe that, or are you just trying to mess with me like the asshole you are?”

“Hey! I’m not an asshole, and I’m definitely not messing with you,” Solomon chuckled in reply. “I believe it wholeheartedly—and I think those two are involved. Don’t you think they’re a bit _different_?”

“I mean…” You hesitated; he was right. Simeon and Luke were anomalies. Luke was a little boy taking university classes, and Simeon was a sweet-hearted saint who could shift to strict and sharp in the blink of an eye. “They’re definitely unique, but that doesn’t make them criminals…”

Solomon shrugged as the two of you stepped out onto the sidewalk. “Whatever you say,” he said wistfully. “I think I’m right.”

The two of you walked side by side for several blocks before you noticed a certain weight wasn’t boring into your shoulders. Horror sank into your chest as you realized your error: you’d forgotten your backpack at the cafe where your study group had met.

“Shit!” You exclaimed, dismayed. “Solomon, I need to go back to the cafe. I forgot my bag there… Sorry, but I’ll see you tomorrow!”

With that, you bolted toward the cafe, not waiting for your friend’s reply. You were far too concerned with ensuring the safety of your belongings to bother listening to his witty comeback or teasing remark. You scampered back along the sidewalk as the sun dipped behind the buildings, casting long, dark shadows across campus as the stars began to appear overhead. At long last, the warm lights of the cafe met your gaze and you skidded to a halt breathlessly. Without a second thought, you pushed the door open and called a jovial apology toward the counter. “Sorry, I forgot my backpack! I’ll just grab it and head out—“

You froze as a pleading voice met your ears. “H-help me—!” Whimpered the cashier; his tone dripped with desperation that made your skin crawl.

Glancing up at last, you were chilled to the bone at the sight—a tall, dark-haired man held the cashier at gunpoint, his cold stare boring into the young man’s face with blatant disdain. That sharp look shifted rapidly, however, to meet your own gaze; malice shone in those crimson eyes. “You must be a complete fool,” he said with disgust, eyes narrowing, “to barge into this cafe to grab your backpack while I’m here.”

“I-I—“ At a loss for words, you stumbled backwards, the strap of your bag clutched tightly in your left hand. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave and act like I didn’t see anything, I promise. I-I don’t want any trouble.”

“You must take me for an even bigger fool than yourself,” he hissed. In the blink of an eye, the man had crossed the length of the cafe and pressed an icy barrel against the side of your skull. You shivered, terrified. “Why should I let you go after what you’ve seen?”

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you flinched; the man took a firm hold of the collar of your shirt, holding you in place. “Who are you?”

_I’m going to die_ , you realized, heart pounding deafeningly in your chest. _He’s gonna blow my brains out in just a few minutes, all because I came to get my bag…! This sucks—this really fucking sucks. Damn it!_

“ _Answer me_.” His voice rose slightly as he jammed the gun forcefully against your temple. “If you refuse to speak up, your life will be forfeit.”

“Oh, Lucifer! You sure got here fast,” a jovial voice echoed from the entrance as the cafe’s bell rang out. “Huh? Who’s that? I thought we were interrogating the cafe’s clerk about the Angels stealing money from our operations here.”

The man’s gloved hand released you at once, and you fell into a shivering heap on the floor. “My sincerest apologies, my Lord,” he spoke respectfully, bowing his head before the other man. “This fool happened to enter the cafe while I was dealing with the clerk, and I thought to dispatch them.”

“Hm? Oh, but they’re harmless! Look—they’re just a student,” the second man replied; glancing up, you took in his appearance. Red hair, tan skin, and golden eyes—he was familiar, but you couldn’t pinpoint just how you knew him. “Just let them go—a quick silencing charm on your part should be more than enough to keep them from tattling to the police, yes?”

“…Very well, Lord Diavolo.” Your blood ran cold as the first man—Lucifer, was it?—pressed his fingertips to your forehead. “I’ll make sure that they can’t say a word to another soul.”

A jolt passed through his fingers and into your body, causing you to flinch away. The electricity swelled within you until it rocketed back up to your lips, sealing them firmly. Now, you were fully convinced that you couldn’t say a word about Lucifer and Diavolo, the mafiosos, no matter how hard you tried. _Solomon was right_ , you thought to yourself with dread. _There’s a gang war happening here… and now my lips are sealed. I can’t tell anyone a thing_.

Yet an instant later, the effects of that curse seemed to ebb. Confusion flashed across both yours and Lucifer’s faces as the realization set in: his curse had failed to take effect. “Impossible,” he muttered; you could see a mixture of fury and disdain in his fearsome gaze. “I have never failed such a simple hex before. You… what did you do?”

“I-I don’t know—“ You stammered, only for the mafioso to interrupt you. “Don’t ‘I don’t know’ me! I’m no fool. I recognize a nullification when I see one! What is ‘just a student’ doing with such a powerful magical ability? Lord Diavolo, this one needs to die—now.”

Once again, a pistol rested against the side of your head, but this time, you could hear your attacker putting pressure against the trigger. “I don’t know how I did it! P-please, please don’t kill me!” You wailed, terror finally overtaking you. “I swear! I-I—“

“Lucifer.” Diavolo’s voice was low and commanding. “Put the pistol away. I said that we won’t kill them, and I intend to stick to my word—on one condition.”

_One condition?_ You glanced nervously up at Diavolo; hearing him speak in such a serious tone was a frightening change from before. _What is the condition…? Do I just have to keep silent, or—_

“You are going to join us,” Diavolo declared. “And if you don’t, Lucifer will be able to have his way with you—and trust me when I say that’s a very painful way to go! So… what will it be, um— wait, what’s your name?”

All seriousness in his tone evaporated with the question, and it took a significant amount of self-control to keep yourself from laughing. “My name is (Y/n),” you replied; Diavolo, in spite of his frightening position as a mafia boss, seemed surprisingly approachable.

“(Y/n)! That’s a wonderful name!” He exclaimed brightly. “Well, (Y/n), my name is Diavolo, and this is Lucifer! I’m the boss of the Devildom Mafia, and he’s the underboss. My advisor should’ve gotten here soon, but… oh! Speak of the devil, there he is—Barbatos, come over here! We have a new recruit!”

“Hm? My Lord, isn’t that just a student?” A third voice asked from the direction of the entrance. Turning your gaze, your eyes met with a slender, well-dressed man with teal hair who appeared to be more of a butler than a mafioso. “Are you certain of this?”

“Yes!” Diavolo gestured emphatically toward where you sat, Lucifer’s pistol still pressed against your skull, albeit far less aggressively. “They nullified one of Lucifer’s curses with ease! This student is far more talented than they let on!” The barrel of the gun drove into your head again as Lucifer let out a vexed grunt.

“Um… I don’t know how I did it, though,” you pointed out sheepishly. “Also… what happened to the cashier?” The man who’d been cowering behind the register under Lucifer’s glare had vanished, leaving no trace of his presence behind.

“Shit,” Lucifer cursed angrily. “He’s gone. Lord Diavolo, the full responsibility for this failure lies with this _idiot_ of a civilian. Had they not shown up—”

Diavolo shook his head and held out a hand to silence Lucifer; the irritated underboss obeyed without question. “It doesn’t matter. We can have Levi do some digging around later. Maybe we can still resolve this peacefully!”

_But Lucifer held him at gunpoint… do you really think that’ll work?_ You cocked your head to one side, unconvinced. _This Diavolo guy seems a lot more optimistic than this friends…_

“My Lord, it’s about time we take our leave,” Barbatos said. “What do you plan to do with your little hostage there?”

All eyes turned to you now. “Oh, you haven’t given me your answer yet, (Y/n),” Diavolo noted. “So… what will it be? Lucifer’s sadistic side, or a new job working for us?”

_I have no choice,_ you realized numbly. _I value my life just enough to agree to something this absurd, I guess…_ “Fine. I’ll join your gang,” you sighed. “Just… what exactly does that entail?”

“You’ll find out soon enough,” Diavolo replied. “Just know that you made the right choice. Come on! You’ll need to join us for a briefing about the rules of our organization. It’s essential that you follow them—not to mention that we have to pick out your assignment.”


	2. 2: Welcome to the Devildom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You've reluctantly decided to join the Devildom Mafia... but what exactly does that mean for you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for chapter two! I hope you enjoy!

You never would’ve expected to find a labyrinth beneath the Devildom corporation’s modest-looking office building. The vast hallways and frequent twists and turns ensured that, should you try to run, you would have a scarce chance of survival at best. Now you found yourself in a dimly-lit office, standing before Diavolo’s desk. Random trinkets decorated the room, many of which looked far too rare and expensive to have been acquired by legal means. “So, (Y/n), I must first formally welcome you into the Devildom!” Diavolo exclaimed, spreading his arms out wide. “Your membership in our organization will be duly noted, and all current soldiers and capos will be informed of your appearance immediately. That way, you won’t end up hurt—unless you try to betray us, that is!”

“O-okay.” You nodded slowly; the way Diavolo could speak so merrily about such morbid topics was beyond you. “Um… you said there were rules. What are they?”

Lucifer scowled at you from his place at Diavolo’s side. “You’ve already broken one, fool. You should never speak to Lord Diavolo so casually—nor should you interrupt him when he’s speaking to you.”

“Lucifer, relax! They’re new, so they didn’t know!” Diavolo laughed and patted the underboss on the shoulder amicably. The dark-haired man let out an annoyed huff and glared pointedly at the wall. “Anyways, (Y/n), Lucifer’s already informed you of rule number one: you must respect your superiors and never interrupt them when they speak! For you, that shall include myself, Barbatos, Lucifer, and the six capos. You will begin your work here as a Demon—one of our lowest-ranking members. Should you aspire to become something greater, you must work hard for it.”

You nodded respectfully, hoping that the action would be enough to satiate the ever-critical Lucifer. It seemed to work—he merely eyed you in silent judgement rather than snapping at you again. “The second rule is this: you are not to associate with Angels,” Diavolo warned. “Anyone who works for Celestial Realm is an Angel, no doubt—in fact, even a child is among their ranks. Cruel, yes?”

 _Luke…_ Dread pooled in the pit of your stomach at the thought of the child fighting in gang battles, working the drug trade, and handling other illicit activities. _Why? Does that mean Simeon’s one of them, too?_ You could do little more than nod in agreement with Diavolo’s statement.

“Well, anyhow, we have a few more rules to go over! Next up is rule number three: you must not ever speak to anyone about your involvement in Devildom business,” Diavolo explained. “And the fourth rule’s a doozy—if you get in trouble with the law, you’re on your own! Only capos and their superiors have the luxury of being helped out of legal situations if possible, and you’re not on that level yet.”

Another nod; you kept your lips sealed, though you could feel concern building up inside your chest. _I don’t want to end up in jail_ , you thought worriedly. _I never wanted to be part of this from the beginning! They forced me into this because of my stupid magic-nullification-thingy, whatever that was! How did I even do that, anyways?! Isn’t someone going to explain that to me?_

“And finally, the fifth rule of Devildom! Lucifer, if you may?” Diavolo glanced at him expectantly.

The underboss rolled his eyes. “Don’t disappoint Diavolo,” he stated firmly, though you could hear plentiful exasperation in his voice. “If you do, I’m afraid you may face severe punishment.”

“Well, now that we’ve gotten the rules out of the way, it’s time to discuss your assignment! Barbatos, could you hand me those papers?” Diavolo called to the butler-mafioso; an obedient, “Yes, my Lord,” echoed in reply.

Barbatos appeared a moment later with a folder cradled in his forearms. Presenting it to the boss, he said, “Here are the papers you requested; everything needed for (Y/n)’s transition into their new position is included.”

“Wonderful! Thank you very much, Barbatos!” Diavolo exclaimed cheerfully, pulling a small stack of papers from inside the folder. “(Y/n), would you mind coming over here for a moment? I’d like to walk you through a few of your opportunities.”

Obediently, you trailed over to the boss’s desk and gazed down at the myriad of pages that had been spread across the table. Some contained lists—lists of jobs, of names, and of things you didn’t yet understand—while others held vast walls of text that made your head spin. Suddenly, you felt like you were at a very intense doctor’s appointment, about to sign your life away with the flick of a pen. Perhaps that was an accurate assessment anyways.

“First of all, we’ll discuss your position in the organization,” Diavolo explained. “There are several open positions in the organization, but I’d like to know a bit more about you before placing you. Do you have any experience with firearms?”

“No,” you shook your head; a sharp snarl from Lucifer caused you to jump.

“Try again,” he growled. “You need to mind rule number one.”

“U-um, right, sorry—“ You stammered nervously; the more Lucifer spoke, the less you liked him. “No, my Lord…?”

“Better.” The underboss seemed notably unimpressed in spite of his words, and his scowl had yet to soften. “My apologies, Lord Diavolo. Please continue.”

Diavolo chuckled. “Don’t worry about it, Lucifer! Anyways, (Y/n),” he turned back to you now. “No experience with firearms at all… well, that narrows things down a bit! Are you good with technology?”

“I’m not bad with it, my Lord,” you replied hesitantly, “but I’m by no means anything special. I use it to Google things and look at social media, mostly.”

The redhead before you merely grinned. “Well, that’s good to hear! You’re the perfect fit for one of the newest openings.”

“My Lord, you can’t be—“ Lucifer interrupted, only to fall silent as Diavolo spoke up again.

“I’d like you to work as Lucifer’s secretary!” He declared eagerly. “You’re just perfect for the job! Not too much combat is necessary and a basic understanding of technology is beneficial. Perfect!”

“What?! I-I… um, I mean—is there anything else I can do? P-please, my Lord?” You were practically begging. Lucifer’s spite-filled gaze rested heavily on your shoulders, silently informing you that he shared your resentment for Diavolo’s idea.

Diavolo raised an eyebrow. “Hm? I don’t think there’s any other job you’re more well-suited to, (Y/n). It’s going to be quite a wonderful job for you, I’m sure! Lucifer is a great man and a great boss!”

“My Lord, I fear the two don’t get along well,” you could’ve sworn you heard Barbatos whisper to the boss.

Diavolo’s erupting laughter confirmed your suspicions. “Why, that’s no matter! After all, if it’s something I’ve ordered, Lucifer has no choice but to agree and deal with it—and the same can be said for you as well now, (Y/n)! This will be quite fun, don’t you think, Barbatos?”

“I… yes, of course, my Lord,” Barbatos bowed respectfully, though you caught a hint of a pitying gaze from the advisor. “You have a meeting in half an hour, my Lord. Would you like for me to wrap up this discussion with Lucifer and (Y/n) for you?”

Diavolo blinked. “Hm? Oh, no! Lucifer can run through the rest with them just as well as you! I want you to come with me, after all, Barbatos! Lucifer, promise to take good care of our new recruit, okay?” His bright grin shone in stark contrast with the dark glare Lucifer wore.

“…Of course, my Lord,” he spoke through gritted teeth. “Your word is law.”

“Great! I take it you two will be fine, then,” Diavolo stood up from his desk and adjusted the red suit jacket that clung just a bit too tightly to his muscular frame. “Let’s go, Barbatos. This is important business!”

“Yes, my Lord,” the advisor replied obediently and trailed after the boss as he exited the room, leaving you completely alone with a seething Lucifer.

Once the sound of their conversation (or, rather, Diavolo’s excited chatter) had faded, you turned with dread to face Lucifer—your new boss. With an unreadable, yet notably unpleasant, expression adorning his features, the man sighed, “You. Follow me.”

You could do nothing more than obey his command, trailing after the underboss as he walked swiftly down the labyrinthine halls. As you walked, you took in the sight of the man before you: he was tall and tense with stress, dressed in a sleek suit with what appeared to be a tight vest on beneath. Or… was that a corset…? You could scarcely tell. He also donned a pair of platform heels, allowing him to tower over even rather tall people. All in all, your new boss was intimidating. Strict. Sadistic, even, if Diavolo’s word was true. _This sucks_ , was all you could think. After what felt like an eternity, you found yourself standing in another office; it looked much like Diavolo’s but the random trinkets had been replaced by expensive-looking bottles of liquor and a few fancy paintings.

 _How lavish_ , you thought irritably. _I get the worst vibes from this guy. Seriously… why did Diavolo have to pair me up with this asshole? I wish he’d just shot me back at the damn cafe—that might’ve been a better fate than dealing with this guy._

“We’ll begin by going over who your allies and enemies are,” Lucifer spoke sternly, as if lecturing a child. “You will listen closely to every word I say. I don’t like to repeat myself. Do you understand?”

Part of you wanted to say no, but you feared that sadistic side Diavolo had mentioned and held your tongue. “Yes, sir,” you spoke curtly.

“That will be ‘my Lord’ to you,” Lucifer snapped, casting another one of his disapproving stares in your direction.

“Yes, _my Lord_ ,” the venom that dripped from your words was apparent, but Lucifer seemed unbothered by your hatred.

“First of all, you must learn to recognize another member of the Devildom gang,” he began. “Since I don’t trust you yet, I will not be providing you with any visuals of the capos or their soldiers. Other members will know _your_ face, however. A fellow member of the gang can signal their connection by inviting you to the cafe on the corner of Sirius Lane and Main Street; it’s called _Temptations_. Remember it.”

Temptations _, the cafe on the corner of Sirius Lane and Main Street_ … You recited the words again in your mind before nodding. “Next is this: it’s a list of all the Angels in the Celestial Realm. Memorize the names and faces, and keep your distance. If they learn of your powers—and they will—they might take the opportunity to kill you, and I know your death would upset Lord Diavolo,” Lucifer continued firmly.

“Yes, my Lord,” you said flatly. _He just admitted that he wouldn’t care if I died, didn’t he? He only mentioned Diavolo caring… sheesh. What an ass. Then again, I can’t say I’d care too much if the roof caved in and killed him right now, so I guess the feeling’s mutual._

“Sit and review the list. I will dismiss you later. For now, I have important work to attend to,” Lucifer concluded, rounding his desk and sitting down in his comfortable-looking office chair. You were left to the stiff, decorative guest chair.

Plopping down with a sigh, you began to shuffle through the pages Lucifer had presented to you. On the front were several large pictures of people you’d never seen before, accompanied by short captions. You began to scan the list pointedly.

Michael, Gabriel, Uriel… the names and faces began to blur together over time, until one very familiar facade caught your eye. The first name listed under Raphael’s Angels confirmed what you already knew to be true: it was Simeon. Just below him was a photograph of Luke. Nausea crept up from the pit of your stomach at the realization that two of your friends were criminals—and worse yet, criminals sworn to be your enemies.

 _What do I do…?_ You wondered, biting your lip. _I can’t just ignore them! Simeon and Luke are my friends—and they don’t know I’m part of this mess, right? Maybe… maybe there’s no harm in keeping in touch. Right? No one will ever figure it out. I’ll be fine._


	3. 3: The Caporegime of Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Y/n)'s study session with Solomon ends with them meeting a friendly new face!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy chapter 3! I'll also be dropping chapter title teasers in end notes from now on :3c let's see if you can guess what's going to happen from the titles!

You’d never felt more grateful to be able to flop onto your bed before in your entire life. After all you’d faced that day, it was no wonder—you could think back to several instances that you thought you’d end up dead. And yet, somehow, you’d managed to survive. But perhaps the worst part of the entire day wasn’t the near-death experiences, the forced conscription into the mafia, or even Lucifer’s bad attitude.

You couldn’t stop thinking about Luke and Simeon.

Gritting your teeth, you buried your face in the comforting warmth of your blankets and tried in vain to hold back your tears. Those two and Solomon were your best friends—they’d been by your side since you started going to college, and you couldn’t imagine a life without their warmth. Memories of Solomon teasing a frustrated Luke while Simeon smiled and gazed on, ready to intervene if Solomon went too far, swirled within your mind. How such a bright child and a gentle man had gotten themselves caught up in mafia business was beyond you, but you knew one thing: you couldn’t accept it.

No way in hell were you going to listen to Lucifer’s stupid, stuffy rules and pay attention to that dumb list he’d given you. Well—you were going to keep in mind who the capos were so you could avoid them, at least, but Simeon and Luke were another matter entirely. You couldn’t turn your back on your friends just because some stuck-up mafioso told you to! Right?

The news droned on in the background as you despaired. Sniffles interrupted the broadcast occasionally as you tried to pull yourself together and failed.

“This just in! Another victim has been discovered in the string of bizarre scorpion-related deaths that have shaken the city. This time, the victim was a twenty-two year old male student. The victim was stung three times on the shoulder by a scorpion and stabbed twice in the neck and chest. His body was found three blocks from the university campus. Police are currently investigating this case, but no promising leads have appeared. If you have any information, please call the line below.” You glanced at the television through tear-blurred eyes.

_Another one, huh?_ You blinked. _That’s the seventh victim since I moved to this place. They really need to catch that freak…_ A faint buzz echoed from beside your head and you nearly let out a shriek, half expecting to see some sort of eldritch insect horror clambering up your pillow. “Oh… it’s a text,” you exhaled, plucking your phone from the sheets and unlocking it. “Phew…”

**Solomon** : Hey, get home safely or did the mafia catch you? Lmao

_If only you fucking knew_ , you thought bitterly. Yet your fear of being shot in the back of the head by a mafioso was enough to keep you from spilling the truth to your friend, so you kept your reply simple and mafia-free.

**(Y/n)** : Haha, funny joke. I got home just fine.

Yawning, you switched off the television. You had no interest in hearing the scorpion horror stories repeated over and over until they invaded your mind. Before long, your phone buzzed with another message from Solomon.

**Solomon** : That’s good to hear. When do you want to study tomorrow?

_I completely forgot about studying_ , you realized with dismay. You’d already sworn your afternoons and evenings away to your secretary duties, leaving you with no choice but…

**(Y/n)** : It’s gonna have to be tomorrow morning. Sorry, but something came up. Afternoons are busy.

Solomon came back almost at once.

**Solomon** : Alright, that’s fine. Simeon and Luke might be able to join us tomorrow morning, actually. I think Simeon works evening shifts. Let’s grab coffee and meet at the library.

_Simeon and Luke…_ Your heart sank. _I can’t say anything to Solomon about them—would he think it’s weird if I asked to just meet with him alone? Ah, well… it’s worth a shot. I hope this doesn’t end up in months’ worth of teasing…_

**(Y/n)** : I was actually hoping just the two of us could meet.

A pause of several minutes followed; you watched anxiously as the typing bubble appeared and disappeared several times. _Yep. He totally took that the wrong way_ , you realized with dismay. _Why did I word it like that? I’m such an idiot_.

**(Y/n)** : Don’t take that the wrong way, please. I just prefer studying in smaller groups—plus, I don’t want to bother those two so early in the morning.

Now the bubble reappeared and stayed. A sigh of relief escaped your lips. _Teasing disaster averted, hopefully_ , you told yourself.

**Solomon** : If you were so interested in me, you should’ve said something sooner.

Damn it.

**Solomon** : Just kidding—maybe. We can meet up without them if you’d like. How does 8 sound?

Rolling your eyes, you typed a swift response (a simple “Sounds good”) before tossing your phone aside. You needed to sleep as best you possibly could with such heavy thoughts still weighing on your mind. With your worries still churning deep in your heart, you forced yourself into a light slumber; your dreams were haunted with visions of the friends you loved getting caught up in blood-soaked gang battles.

————————

“You look exhausted,” Solomon commented teasingly. “Were you up all night worrying about how our little date would go, (Y/n)?”

Shaking your head, you sighed, “No. I just had trouble falling asleep after the news story about the scorpion murderer.” It was only a partial lie; while the truth included a myriad of mafia-related nightmares, the scorpion killer was definitely near the top of your list of fears. He always targeted students at your university, usually ones who were out late at night. In retrospect, you thought that you were almost lucky to have met mafiosos instead of a serial killer.

“Oh, right! Another body turned up, huh?” Solomon wistfully flipped through the pages of his textbook in search of your current study material. “That guy really gets around. Makes me wonder if he’s an assassin or something—maybe he works for the mafia.”

You flinched. “Pfft—come on, (Y/n), that should be reassuring! You’re not any kind of secret mobster, so you have nothing to fear,” your snowy-haired friend laughed. “If he really is an assassin, he’s being assigned to take out targets—people who are a threat to his group, mainly, or anybody with a rich bounty on their head. Somehow, I doubt you’re either one.”

“Can… can we just not talk about it anymore? I came here to study with you, not to talk about a serial killer.” You tried your best to hide the fear in your voice, but you knew just enough seeped through for Solomon to notice.

He shook his head. “Hmm, fine. If you insist,” he replied. “Where were we again? Oh, right! We were talking about the different kinds of rhetoric.”

“Ooh, are you two talking about English? I could use some help, if you’d let me join you!” An unfamiliar voice rang out from behind you, causing you to jump.

Glancing over your shoulder, you spotted the speaker: a slender strawberry blonde with peach-colored eyes and a bright smile. He clutched a rather fashionable backpack in one hand, while the other cradled a textbook that matched Solomon’s. “Huh? Oh, sure,” Solomon shrugged. “We usually study in a slightly bigger group, so we don’t mind—right, (Y/n)?”

“Ah… right,” you nodded; the stranger plopped down in the chair next to yours with a grateful smile on his face.

“So, your name is (Y/n), hm? What a cute name!” He purred; suddenly, you didn’t want to study with him anymore. “My name is Asmodeus! And, you, cutie,” he glanced at Solomon, “what’s yours?”

“Oh—I’m Solomon,” he replied, unfazed by Asmodeus’s blatant flirtations. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Asmodeus.”

“The pleasure’s all mine, dearies!” The man forked his fingers through his hair as if trying to show off its healthy sheen. “But I’m sure you must be thrilled to have such a wonderful studying partner as myself.”

“Um… sure?”

You studied with the two men for what felt like an eternity, listening with disdain as Asmodeus constantly flirted with Solomon and vice versa. Asmodeus—or Asmo, has he insisted you call him—didn’t hold back his flirtations with you, either, but you didn’t reciprocate. He was attractive, but you weren’t the type to be so comfortable as to flirt with a stranger. Aside from the flirtations, though, you had to admit he was at least friendly and a decent study partner.

“Hmm, oh! How the time flies! I have somewhere I need to be,” Asmodeus exclaimed, jumping from his seat. “What a shame! I was having so much fun with the two of you.”

“Why don’t we exchange numbers with you, then?” Solomon suggested with a smile. “We could always use another person to study with, right, (Y/n)?”

You shrugged. “I mean, sure,” you caved, offering your phone to Asmodeus. “Go ahead and put your number in.”

“Wonderful, darling! I’ll text you as soon as possible!” Asmo exclaimed. “Oh, and I’ll text you right away as well, Solomon! I truly _loved_ our conversation today.”

Within a moment, your impromptu study partner had vanished, leaving the two of you alone to clean up your own belongings and head to your first classes. “He was nice,” Solomon commented plainly.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “A bit too flirty for my tastes. You two really seemed to hit if off, though—when’s the wedding?”

“Ha ha, very funny—I’ll have you know that he’s not my type, either. I just like messing around, and flirting with him made studying a bit more fun. Though, I suppose he’s not the worst option, either,” Solomon glanced off into space with a small smirk on his lips for a moment before shrugging. “Ah, oh well. I’m too busy for that sort of thing.”

“Yeah, sure,” you rolled your eyes. “I’m sure you’ll still be saying that when you two are madly in love.”

Solomon laughed. “Jealous? This was supposed to be a date, after all,” he pointed out teasingly; an angry blush blossomed onto your face.

“Solomon! This was never supposed to be a date at all!” Your retort was met with a sharp shush from the librarian.

“Hmph. Either way,” Solomon said, “I still think you’re jealous. Come on—we have to get to our 11 o’clock classes soon, right?”

Glancing at the clock that hung on the library’s north wall, you realized with dismay that Solomon was right: you had less than fifteen minutes left to reach your first class of the day. “Damn it!” You gasped. “I have to walk all the way across campus—!”

With a laugh from Solomon, you parted ways and you hurried toward your first class with barely ten minutes left until it started. Only once you plopped down in one of the last empty seats, breathless and coated in a thin layer of sweat, did you pull out your phone and see a missed text from Asmodeus.

**Asmo <3**: (Y/n), dear, why don’t we meet up after your classes today? Let’s go to _Temptations_ on the corner of Sirius Lane and Main Street, okay? <3

You dropped your phone, causing several people nearby to cast disapproving glares in your direction as it clattered loudly to the ground. _He’s one of them_ , you realized numbly. _Asmodeus… Asmodeus is another member of the Devildom Mafia!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: 4: The Assassin's Sting


	4. 4: The Assassin's Sting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to meet up with Asmo! What could he possibly want from you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy chapter 4!

Paying attention to classes had become impossible. Each time you thought you’d finally gotten past the shock of Asmodeus’s text message, you’d remember the cafe, the explanation Lucifer gave you, or the innocent smile of the strawberry blonde who was apparently much more than meets the eye. It felt like an eternity had passed before your final class dismissed, freeing you to visit _Temptations_ before being forced to handle Lucifer’s paperwork and whatever other menial tasks he could push onto you.

The cafe’s bell rung merrily as you stepped inside, scanning the half dozen tables until you spotted Asmodeus. He was scrolling on his phone, his feet kicking mindlessly under the table. Once he finally noticed your approach, however, the man set his phone aside and grinned. “Oh, you’re finally here!” He exclaimed. “I was beginning to worry about you, dear!”

“There’s no need to worry over me,” you sighed, settling down across from Asmodeus. “Well, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?”

Asmo laughed. “Oh, dear,” he purred, leaning closer to you, “is that any way to address the _caporegime of lust_?”

_The caporegime of lust…?_ You blinked; it took a moment for the meaning of his words to register. “Oh—Oh!” You gasped frantically. “I, um—I’m very sorry, my Lord. I just… I didn’t know that you were—“

“Darling, relax! I’m just teasing you,” his smiled widened. “I may be one of the six capos, but I’m not one to get too wound up over titles like Lucifer. There are other things that I’d rather worry about—my work and my appearance, mainly! Though I do love meeting the new soldiers and getting to know them… sometimes very well.”

“Um…” You leaned away from Asmodeus nervously. “I don’t think I want to know anything about that.”

“Hm? Oh, that’s a shame, but it’s fine,” Asmo twirled a lock of his hair around his finger absentmindedly. “Anyways, I wanted to talk to you about something important!”

“What is it?” You tilted your head to the side, curious. Was he going to give you some sort of top-secret mission or something? Surely not—you were a new recruit.

Asmodeus grinned eagerly as he pulled up the end of his sleeve. “I was hoping you could take care of my baby girl for me today!” He said brightly. “She’s a bit temperamental, but I’m sure you’ll be just fine. I have a job that’s not safe for her tonight!”

“You bring your kid with you on jobs?” You gawked, horrified. The thought of Asmodeus having a kid at all was a bit unsettling, but this was too much.

Yet to your confusion, the mobster only laughed. “Ohh, darling, I don’t have a child,” he spoke as if it were obvious. “My baby girl is my pet scorpion! C’mon, dear, come say hello to your new babysitter!”

You watched with wide eyes as a scorpion crept from the shadows of Asmodeus’s sleeve and onto the table, its pincers and stinger raised in caution. “This is my darling Amélie! I thought you might be able to look after her while doing your secretary work at HQ tonight,” he explained with a smile. “After all, carrying papers around and staring at a computer is far less dangerous than what I’ll be doing!”

“I-I, um… s-sure?” You stuttered, staring nervously at the scorpion—Amélie, as Asmodeus named her. “Does… does she bite—er, sting?”

“Of course she does!” Asmodeus stroked the creature’s back with one delicate finger, as if he were proud of her aggression. “After all, she usually helps me with my work. Tonight’s different, though. I can’t risk taking her somewhere so dangerous, and that idiot Mammon is never going to look after my dear baby girl **_ever_** **_again_**!” The sudden anger in Asmodeus’s voice caused you to flinch away slightly.

_This guy’s surprisingly scary_ , you thought to yourself, staring between the mobster and his pet scorpion— _wait_.

_“Another victim has been discovered in the string of bizarre scorpion-related deaths that have shaken the city…”_

“Oh my God, you’re the scorpion murderer, aren’t you—?” You whispered, horrified. A cold sweat broke out across your skin as Asmodeus simply giggled and nodded.

Asmodeus agreed without hesitation nor shame. “Well, who else would it be? I am the capo of the assassin branch of the Devildom, after all! It’s kind of in the job description for me to be deadly—I just choose to be deadly with a bit of flair, dear!” 

“I—um,” you felt sick as you looked at the preppy, pretty young man before you; nothing about him said ‘murderer,’ and yet he was responsible for at least seven deaths. You suspected there were many more victims who hadn’t been found. Just thinking about it made you wonder how many murders your new boss had committed—or his happy-go-lucky boss, for that matter.

Asmo seemed to notice your paleness. “Darling, what’s the matter?” He asked, stroking his finger along his pet scorpion’s exoskeleton. “Are you worried about what I’m capable of? Dear, there’s no need to worry. I won’t hurt you, just so long as you remain loyal! We can even pinky promise over it!”

Shaking your head, you sighed, “I… I’m sorry. I just don’t feel comfortable with any of this yet. I didn’t want to be part of this, but the only alternative was having my brains blown out by Lucifer—er, Lord Lucifer.”

“Just call him Lucifer with me, I don’t mind,” Asmo pointed out. “And there’s no need for you to feel bad, darling! I can understand why it would be a shock for a civilian like you to so suddenly find themselves caught up in such a different world. After all, I heard the rumors—you didn’t even know you could nullify curses, did you?”

“Not at all,” you replied, staring down at your hands. “I don’t know how I did it or why it happened like that. I didn’t even make a conscious effort to fight off the curse he cast on me… I didn’t know what to do at all.”

Asmo seemed to ponder the statement for a long time as Amélie skittered across his fingers and up his wrist. “Hm… that is quite odd,” he admitted; muttering under his breath, he added, “I’ve never heard of anyone other than _him_ having powers like that.”

_Him?_ The way Asmodeus said the word made you shiver; whoever he was, you had a distinct feeling that Asmodeus was not on good terms with him. “Well, no matter! I’ll give Amélie a good dose of my charming magic before passing her off to you,” Asmodeus exclaimed, changing the subject at once. “That’ll keep her from hurting you, okay? Just don’t mess with her too much! She’s a very deadly girl.”

“R-right, okay…”

————————

“Urrgh…” You groaned, shivering as Amélie’s tiny legs skittered along the length of your arm. “When will Asmodeus get back? I can’t take much more of this…”

“Be quiet over there.” Lucifer’s angry bark caused your jaw to snap shut, even if every fiber of your being wanted to yell back at him. “It’s your fault for agreeing to babysit that stupid creature.”

You could’ve sworn Amélie raised her pincers in defiance, but a blink of your eyes and she was back to scuttling around aimlessly. Shaking your head, you sighed and returned to your work. Said work, conducted at a shoddy desk that another Demon had brought in for you at the start of your shift, was simple: you had to scan security photographs from several locations for images of the Celestial Realm’s capos. Lucifer had pointedly reminded you that he trusted you with nothing better when you asked why a program couldn’t be run to finish the job in mere minutes.

So your past four hours had involved doing what your laptop could’ve probably completed in four minutes. Worse yet, only two frames out of the thousands you’d stared at showed even a questionable image of the capos. It was menial work that made you wish even more that Lucifer had just killed you back at the cafe.

“Hmph…” Lucifer grunted, eyebrow twitching slightly. “Get up. We have something to attend to—now. Bring that stupid bug with you, too. I don’t want it disturbing Cerberus.”

You cast a sidelong glance at the large, pitch-black German Shepherd that snoozed next to the underboss’s desk before scooping up Asmodeus’s scorpion and following Lucifer from the room. In all your time there, you had yet to get even remotely close enough to pet the dog; it always growled at you and bared its teeth, threatening to rip you to shreds if you dared take another step. _Like owner like pet, I guess_ , you thought bitterly.

After a lengthy walk through the confusing halls of HQ, you found yourself in an unfamiliar room with a variety of unsettling decorative choices. Notable among said choices were several devices most certainly designed for torture and a bed of hot coals. At the back of the room was a large wheel decorated with a variety of multicolored stripes; you couldn’t help but see _Wheel of Fortune_ as you gazed at it.

“Um, my Lord,” you spoke hesitantly as you glanced at Lucifer, “what exactly is this room, and why are we here?”

“This is the punishment room,” he replied simply. “We’re here because someone is receiving punishment—and you’re going to watch.”

Staring at him in abject horror, you couldn’t help the emphatic, “I beg your pardon?!” that escaped your lips. His sharp scowl told you all you needed to know about your misstep.

“Must I punish you as well, you ignorant fool?” He hissed bitterly; he’d leaned close enough to your face that you could see your reflection in his furious crimson eyes. “How many times must I remind you to _follow rule number one_?”

“I’m—“

“Sorry I’m late, Lucifer! Barbatos had some trouble rounding him up for punishment,” Diavolo laughed jovially, putting an abrupt stop to your bickering with the underboss. “But don’t worry! They’re almost here!”

A mixture of curiosity and concern swirled in your chest as you peered toward the door; the sound of frantic shrieking could be heard coming from down the hallway.

“I’m tellin’ ya, please—please, ya gotta let me go! Ya have it all wrong! I didn’t mess that job up! It was Levi’s fault, dammit! That dumbass hacker messed it all up, I swear! I’m not the one you’re lookin’ for, please! Please, just let me go!”

Barbatos’s cool, calm voice spoke up in reply. “I’m sorry, Mammon, but it was abundantly clear which of you messed this up. It was your fault.”

“Eeek—!”

At long last, the two men arrived in the room. Bound in Barbatos’s grasp was a man with tan skin and a mess of white hair; his sapphire gaze was flooded with terror upon the sight of a very unhappy Lucifer waiting for him with Diavolo. When he spotted you, however, his terror was momentarily replaced with confusion. “Huh? Who the hell are ya?” He cocked his head to one side. “I don’t know ya at all. Lucifer, who—“

“You would know if you read your daily briefings, Mammon,” Lucifer spat, eyes narrowed. “This is (Y/n), our newest recruit and my talentless secretary.”

“Hey! That was uncalled for!” You barked, only to receive a viciously cold stare in reply. “Erm… that was uncalled for, my Lord.”

Half expecting to be put to death on the spot, you were startled when Diavolo started to laugh loudly behind you. “Ohh, this is just wonderful!” He exclaimed gleefully, placing a hand on your shoulder. “I never thought I’d see the day when you’d have such an entertaining secretary, Lucifer! I like this one quite a bit!”

“We have to proceed with Mammon’s punishment, my Lord,” Lucifer spoke curtly. “Are you going to throw again?”

Diavolo shook his head. “Ohh, no—I think our guest here should do the throwing! It would be quite a fun way to introduce them to the punishment wheel, yes?”

“The punishment wheel, my Lord?” You peered over at Diavolo with visible confusion on your face; resting on your shoulder, Amélie stared blankly at the boss as well.

Nodding, the redhead strode across the room and placed a hand on the center of the colorful wheel. “That’s right! This is the wheel that Barbatos and Lucifer devised for doling out unique and painful punishments to anyone who dares step out of line! Since Mammon here happened to make a colossal blunder on his latest mission, Barbatos deemed it appropriate to have him punished! Consider this a warning of what you could face, should you make too grave an error.”

“I-I see,” you mumbled, before quickly adding, “my Lord.”

“Well, how about it?” Diavolo returned to your side with two darts in his hands. “All you have to do is hit the wheel twice. Have you ever played darts before, (Y/n)?”

“Um… maybe a few times,” you replied, gingerly taking the darts from the boss. “My Lord.”

“Wonderful! Then you’ll probably be a better marksman than I was on my first try,” he chuckled. “Lucifer, do you remember what happened that day?”

“…You threw a dart directly into the center of my forehead in front of all six of my brothers, my Lord,” Lucifer spoke tightly, his lip curled into an unpleasant frown at the memory. “They still bring it up occasionally.”

“Pfft…” Mammon snickered from his spot next to Barbatos. “Ya gotta admit, it was really damn funny, Lucifer!”

“Shut up, Mammon, unless you’d like another punishment after this one is over.”

The man flinched at his words. “Eep!”

“Lucifer, spin the wheel!” Diavolo exclaimed; obediently, the raven-haired underboss spun the wheel and stepped back, providing you ample room to miss.

You took careful aim at the wheel and threw the first dart. To your relief, it stuck in one of the wheel’s many sections rather than bouncing off or missing entirely. “Oh, that was wonderful!” Diavolo said. “Throw the other now!”

You obeyed, pinning the second dart in a section that was roughly opposite of the first. Lucifer then stopped the wheel and Mammon let out a quiet whine. “Well, what does it say?” Diavolo asked.

“One-armed push-ups,” Lucifer read the first one before shifting his gaze across to the other side, “and needles.”

_Needles?_ You glanced at Diavolo. “What exactly does that mean…?” You mumbled cluelessly. “Erm—my Lord.”

“It means that Mammon will have to do one-armed push-ups on a bed of needles while Lucifer beats him with a whip,” Barbatos replied with a simple smile.

Mammon seemed to deflate at Barbatos’s words. “A-at least I didn’t get hot coals this time…” he groaned, shuffling over to a panel on the floor that was covered in long, silver needles.

You flinched away as Mammon’s punishment was delivered, covering your eyes each time Lucifer cracked the whip. The mafia was a strange, cruel place. All you could think of as you returned to Lucifer’s office after Mammon’s ordeal ended was how much you pitied the stranger whose suffering you’d witnessed.

“You seem unnerved by that,” Lucifer commented. “That’s good. You should be afraid of punishment.”

“Wh-why would I not be afraid of that, my Lord?” You stammered, cradling Amélie in your grasp. The scorpion had gone from an object of horror to one of comfort in the span of your time in that awful room. “Those wounds may never heal!”

Lucifer scoffed. “You must be an idiot if you think we’d leave one of our capos debilitated like that. Barbatos will heal him in just a few moments; he has a talent for making enchanted teas to treat severe wounds. Your suffering during punishment is the goal of that room.”

_Mammon… that pitiful guy is one of the capos?!_ Your eyes widened in realization. _You’ve got to be kidding me… I couldn’t tell at all. He wasn’t half as scary as Asmodeus or Lucifer can be!_

“Right, of course… my Lord,” was all you said in reply. Now, your only job left for the day was to wait for Asmodeus to arrive and pick up his scorpion—or so you thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: 5: The Capos of Greed and Wrath


	5. 5: The Capos of Greed and Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which (Y/n) and Mammon receive an unfortunate job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

“(Y/n)! (Y/n)!” Asmodeus’s eager voice caused Amélie to skitter around in what you assumed to be excitement. “How is my baby girl? Did you two have fun?” He asked as he barged into Lucifer’s office.

The underboss shot a warning glare in his direction but said nothing, save for a flat, “Take your scorpion and leave.”

“Understood!” Asmo replied brightly. “I was going to take her home and paint her pincers again, anyways! Her pink’s almost all gone—say, (Y/n), what color do you think she should wear this time?”

Glancing down at the scorpion on your desk, you noticed the faint traces of pink nail polish that remained on her yellow pincers. “Hmm… maybe a teal color this time?” You suggested. _Why does he paint her pincers…? Is that even safe?_

“Rule number one,” Lucifer snapped.

“I’m sorry— _my Lord_ ,” you rolled your eyes; Asmodeus held back a snicker as he scooped Amélie up off of your desk.

He stroked the creature’s exoskeleton before coaxing her to crawl up his sleeve; once she vanished into the fabric, you felt oddly vulnerable. You’d grown accustomed to having the murderous scorpion around ever since watching Mammon’s punishment. “She’s very calm and totally unhurt! I’m so relieved! (Y/n), you wouldn’t mind looking after her on other big nights for me, would you?” Asmo’s cheerful voice contrasted sharply with the bloodstain you noticed on his dress shirt. _So that’s what a ‘big night’ entails_ , you thought to yourself, shivering.

“I wouldn’t mind,” you replied, “my Lord. She was a pleasure to have around.”

“Wonderful!” Asmo pulled you into a quick hug; the smell of expensive perfume mixed with human blood enveloped you in the brief exchange. “I’ll call you to meet me at the cafe whenever I want to hand her off! Ooh, you’re so much better at this than Mammon!”

_Mammon!_ You gasped in recognition. “Wait, the man who was punished today… that’s who used to look after your scorpion?” You exclaimed. “Oh—my Lord.”

“Ooh, so you did punish him after his screw-up, hm, Lucifer?” Asmo giggled wistfully, his peach-colored gaze traveling over to the underboss. “I mean, somehow losing over one million dollars in a simple trade-off is pretty stupid, even for him!”

_How did he manage that?_ You raised an eyebrow, perplexed. “Please, Asmodeus, don’t remind me,” Lucifer rubbed his temples and closed his eyes; Mammon’s failure clearly weighed heavily on his shoulders. “If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have needed to go to that cafe—and if I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have a waste of space dwelling in my office every evening. Not to mention that said waste of space cost us our chance to get those funds back…” A piercing glare was cast in your direction.

_Oh_. You’d had enough. “Are you kidding me? It’s _your_ fault that you didn’t pay attention to that stupid clerk! If you’d ignored me and kept your hostage quiet, I would’ve gone on my way without ever noticing you were holding someone at gunpoint twenty feet away from me—!” You snapped furiously. “It’s not my fault that I nullified your curse! I would’ve shut up and walked away—I never wanted to be your stupid secretary, but it was this or death! What was I supposed to do, roll over and croak?! I’m still way too young to die, thank you very much, _my Lord_!” As soon as your outburst came to an end, you felt a wave of horror crash over you. You were _definitely_ about to be in a lot of trouble for this.

Glancing nervously up at the capo and underboss, you saw astonishment reflected in Asmo’s gaze and a shadow falling over Lucifer’s. _Yep, I’m dead_ , you realized. _Honestly, I think it was worth it. I needed to get that off my chest, even if I’d end up with a bullet in my brain for it…_

“Asmodeus,” Lucifer spoke lowly. “Go find Mammon. Now.”

“Huh? Okay,” Asmo blinked; you could tell he was just as confused as you were. “I’ll go find him and send him over as soon as he’s done healing.”

“No. Send him immediately. I don’t care if he’s limping on a bloody leg,” Lucifer growled; the fury you’d expected was bubbling to the surface at last. “Mammon needs to be here within five minutes unless he wants to end up being punished again, do you understand? If he’s not here on time, _both_ of you will be punished tomorrow.”

Asmodeus scampered away at once. “Y-yes sir!” His frightened voice grew quieter as he hurried down the hall in search of the other capo.

A chill ran down your spine as you slowly looked back toward Lucifer. He remained seated at his desk, his hands clasped tightly together in front of his lips. In his eyes, you could see unbridled fury; it occurred to you that he was just barely holding it together, likely waiting until Mammon arrived to do something with his anger. “U-um—“

Lucifer scowled at you. “Do not speak to me,” he ordered sharply. You obeyed without question, every hint of defiance draining from your body. Needless to say, you were terrified.

“Ouch, ouch—owww, stop it, ya jerk!” Mammon’s shouts met your ears only a moment later. “You’re puttin’ pressure on a gash! Stop it! I didn’t get to drink all of that damn tea Barbatos makes! Stooooop!”

“I don’t care! You’re going in there right now!” Asmodeus frantically shouted in reply; just a few second passed before Mammon stumbled into the room, pushed inside by a frightened Asmodeus. “And don’t you dare do anything else stupid!”

“Thank you, Asmodeus,” Lucifer’s voice held a certain tension that caused you to flinch; you could tell he was about to snap. “You can go.”

The capo of lust disappeared in an instant, leaving you and Mammon alone in the face of a furious Lucifer. “Wh-what happened?” Mammon glanced between you and the underboss nervously. “Yo, Lucifer, are ya okay?”

“You two have caused me nothing but trouble,” he hissed, slowly rising from his desk chair. “Ever since you failed that mission, Mammon, I’ve been stuck with this infuriating idiot of a secretary. While I’d like nothing more than to string them up and beat them until they cry for mercy, I can think of a better punishment—one which affects you both.”

Mammon’s eyes widened. “Ahaha…” A nervous laugh escaped his lips. “What exactly are ya trying to say, Lucifer?”

“You two will be going on a mission to recover those funds. It will be extremely dangerous work which is well out of your area of expertise, Mammon, but this is a risk I am willing to take. This entire situation is your fault. You have one week to prepare—and that means teaching this bumbling fool how to use a weapon.”

“Huh?! Wait, why are ya makin’ us do this when someone like Asmo or Beel would be way better for the job? This is totally gonna turn into a gunfight, Lucifer! Are ya tryin’ to kill us?!” Mammon gasped; your eyes widened with dismay.

Lucifer simply narrowed his eyes, causing the white-haired capo to fall silent. “You are to send them to see Satan,” he ordered. “In fact, considering your atrocious aim, you’d be better off joining them for some additional training.”

Mammon shrunk under his gaze. “Y-yes sir…” he muttered, sapphire gaze locked on the floor.

“Now go. Your lives are now entirely in your own incompetent hands,” Lucifer hissed before turning his attention to you alone. “If you die, it will be entirely your fault. Had you kept your blathering mouth shut, you would not be in this situation. Consider this your first—and very possibly last—lesson in proper conduct.”

“Yes, my Lord,” was all you managed to say in reply as Mammon beckoned for you to follow him from Lucifer’s office.

Obediently, you trailed after the defeated capo. As you walked, you noticed his uncomfortable limp, ragged breathing, and the splatter of dark bloodstains soaking his white shirt. “Um… Mammon, my Lord,” you murmured, guilt blossoming in your chest. “I—I’m sorry. If I’d kept my mouth shut, you would’ve gotten to drink all of your healing tea…”

“Keep your apologies to yourself—and call me ‘the Great Mammon,’ would ya? And… what the hell did ya even say to piss him off this much, anyways?” Mammon glanced at you incredulously.

“S-sorry, um, Great Mammon, sir,” you sighed. “I might’ve yelled at him for calling me a waste of space. I think I, uh, blamed him for everything that happened the night I got recruited—mostly because a lot of it is his fault. He’s too arrogant to care, though.”

Mammon laughed dryly. “So ya already figured him out, huh? Yeah—Lucifer’s arrogant. He’s the proudest guy I know, and he doesn’t take kindly to anyone who does a thing to ruin that perfect image of his. That includes ya, newbie.”

“So it seems,” you groaned. “So… when you said that a gunfight might erupt on this mission he’s sending us on… d-did you mean it?”

“Eh? Why the hell would I have said somethin’ like that if I didn’t mean it?” Mammon exclaimed. “You’re a part of the mafia now, newbie—that means ya gotta get used to scary situations. It just so happens that you’re totally unprepared for somethin’ like this and I might not have the _greatest_ aim, so I was hopin’ he’d change his mind if I pointed it out.”

Dismay settled like a rock in the depths of your stomach. “I-I see,” you spoke in a voice scarcely louder than a whisper. “So… s-so he’s trying to kill us.”

“Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he’s not tryin’ to kill me,” Mammon said. “He’s tryin’ to kill _you_.”

“But you just said your aim is bad! Won’t you be in trouble, too?”

Mammon glanced away and tucked his hands into his pockets, flinching as a cut caught on the fabric. “Well, it just so happens that I have a certain special skill that’ll help me outta some pretty tight situations like that.”

You were confused. “Um… what exactly is that?” You asked; was this a skill that you could master in a week?

“I’m the fastest guy on the university track team,” Mammon boasted, though you could still hear the ring of defeat in his voice. “Which means I’m gonna be able to bolt when things get hairy—and that’s not a luxury that ya can just pick up.”

“O-oh.” The two of you arrived at a large, steel door with a variety of locks bolting it closed.

Mammon raised his right fist and slammed it against the door half a dozen times, yelling, “Yo, Satan, open up! Lucifer wants ya to teach the newbie how to shoot a gun!”

A click. Another. One by one, the locks on the door opened until it finally swung open, revealing a vast armory and a tuxedo-clad, green-eyed blonde resting against the doorframe. At his feet stood a pair of Siamese cats, each one watching you with sharp aqua eyes. “So you’re Lucifer’s new secretary,” the blonde said, glancing you up and down. “I’m so sorry.”

“Huh?” You blinked, confused.

“(Y/n), this is Satan. He’s the capo of wrath—oh, and I’m the capo of greed, by the way! Satan’s job is to work recon, but he’s also one of the best guys for teachin’ people how to use a bunch of different weapons. That’s why ya can almost always find him here in the armory, got it? Also, y’all might bond a bit over hatin’ Lucifer, I bet,” Mammon explained, gesturing to the blonde.

Satan simply nodded and beckoned you two to come inside. “He’s right. I hate Lucifer more than anyone else,” Satan pointed out. “Oh, and be careful not to bother Boots or Socks. They’re my cats, and they don’t take well to anyone who smells like Lucifer’s office.”

The nearest of the two let out a low hiss as you stepped inside, and you flinched. “Are they going to attack me?” You asked worriedly.

“No,” Satan chuckled. “Not at all. Just… don’t set anything important down, unless you don’t mind it being knocked on the floor.”

_So they like to knock things off tables…_ _How very catlike_ , you thought to yourself. _And much more benign than Amélie…_ “Oh, okay. I won’t.”

“Good—now, do you have any idea what kind of gun you’d like to try out?” He asked, gesturing toward a wall adorned with dozens—no, hundreds—of firearms. “We have automatic, semiautomatic, machine guns, submachine guns, and various calibers of pistols. In addition, we have several dozen enchanted weapons, but that’s not the sort of thing we’d pass out to a new recruit.”

You gazed blankly at the wall; some of the guns looked more like sci-fi laser guns than real weapons. “U-uh… what’s the easiest gun to shoot?” You asked dumbly. “My Lord.”

“Hmm… you’d probably do best with a handgun, if ease is your concern,” he said. “Larger weapons tend to have more kickback, so perhaps we should just start you off with a low-caliber pistol. Hmm… how about a 9mm?”

He plucked a small, black pistol from the wall and passed it to you. Clutching it in your hands, you stared down at the weapon; you’d never fired a gun before, and you weren’t too keen on starting now, but the looming threat of the job you and Mammon had was too great for you to back down. “So, uh… what now, my Lord?” You glanced at him.

“Drop the ‘my Lord’ stuff already,” Satan rolled his eyes. “It’s stupid. Follow me—we need to go to the shooting range.”

“You’re telling me that you have a shooting range underground? How does nobody hear that up above?”

“It’s simple, really—the range has soundproof walls,” Satan replied simply. “Oh, and Mammon, you’re coming with us. You haven’t hit a mark in weeks, have you?”

“Hey, I’ve hit plenty of marks, Satan!” Mammon retorted defensively, a scowl decorating his features. “Just, uh… maybe not recently.”

“What I thought. Come on,” the blonde sighed and herded the two of you down the hall to another room with a large, heavy-looking door. You assumed it had something to do with the ever-important soundproofing Satan had mentioned.

Satan unbolted the lock and swung the door open with ease, stepping aside to allow you to enter. Once he’d joined you inside, the capo of wrath locked the door behind the three of you. “There,” he said firmly. “Now, we can use my favorite targets.”

Confused, you asked, “What do you mean? Why do you need to lock the door to use a specific type of target, Satan?”

“You’ll see,” he replied.

The blonde opened a locker on the nearest wall and pulled a stack of papers from inside before walking down the length of the shooting range with them in-hand. Once he reached the end, Satan lifted one of the pages and pinned it on top of the head of the generic man-shaped target full of bullet holes that decorated the far wall. You squinted, trying to catch a glimpse of the target as he worked.

“Trust me, you’ll like ‘em, (Y/n),” Mammon said with a dumb grin. “Me, personally? I prefer the regular targets—but knowin’ ya, I bet these are right up your alley.”

At long last, Satan returned to you and Mammon, allowing you to catch a glimpse of the targets he’d hung up. “I tend to aim better when shooting something I despise,” Satan commented simply as your jaw dropped. “I take it the same will be true of you, (Y/n).”

Satan had hung up pictures of Lucifer’s face for you to shoot. _I think I like this guy_ , you thought to yourself, adjusting the 9mm in your hands as you approached the mark. _This Satan guy knows how catharsis works. I’m into it._

“Now, steady your arms and look through the notches down there…” Satan guided your hands ever so slightly. “Remember to watch with your dominant eye. Your aim will be off if you don’t. Right, now… fire.”

_Bang!_ You jumped at the loud sound and the sudden jolt of the weapon in your hands. “W-woah!” You stammered, staring at the pistol. “I didn’t expect that much kickback from such a little gun…”

Satan chuckled and shook his head. “Oh, (Y/n), a 9mm doesn’t have much kick to it at all. You really haven’t shot before, have you?”

“Not at all.”

Glancing down the range with emerald eyes, Satan said, “Well then, I’d consider your first shot marginally better than expected. Take a look.”

He raised an arm to point at the shot you’d fired; following his direction, you were dismayed to see the result of your shot: you’d blown through the corner of the white page, utterly missing even the outermost edges of Lucifer’s arrogant mug.

Sulking, you groaned, “I’m doomed…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: 6: Solomon


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